Many people have a loved one who needs mental health help. This situation can be difficult, and you might not know how to approach discussing the topic. It may also be that the person is unwilling or unable to get help. This blog post is designed to give you some specific information to help you navigate this tricky topic.

Helping a loved one who needs mental health support can be very challenging. It may be difficult because the mental health symptoms you’re observing are very personal and sensitive for the other person, or it could be because the individual is unaware of how their behavior is impacting other people, and you’re not sure how to bring it up. Whatever the reason, here are some general tips that can help you to discuss this topic with the person you care about.

General tips:

Develop a non-threatening approach to the conversation.

Addressing a mental health concern with a loved one might result in a defensive reaction. Consider an approach to the topic that is less likely to result in conflict or defensiveness. For example, instead of saying, “It looks like you’re really anxious about your health,” you might say, “I remember last year when I had a health scare. I was feeling really anxious about it. I wonder if you’re feeling something similar right now, given your situation?” In this way, you are relating your own experience and expressing vulnerability in a way that invites conversation instead of defensiveness.

Use “I” language.

Stating things from your perspective can often help to increase receptivity in other people because it acknowledges that you’re only speculating about their experience. This allows the other person to experience more agency and control over what they’re struggling with. Using “I” statements can be a helpful practice when you’re trying to promote a conversation. For example, instead of saying, “You’ve been sleeping a lot lately,” you might say, “I think you may be sleeping more than you used to.”

Reduce barriers to seeking care

Finding a good mental health practitioner can be challenging. If you successfully express your concern to someone and they agree to seek help, they may often fail to follow through because there are too many barriers to obtaining help. Consequently, come to the conversation prepared with resources. This might mean calling a number of providers in advance and finding a reputable clinician who is available and affordable for your loved one.

Choose a good time to talk

Even if you come well-prepared for a conversation, the other person might not be responsive because of their current life circumstances or even their mood. While there may never be a “perfect” time to talk about the topic, try to identify when the person might be more open to discussion. For example, if your loved one is in a strong negative mood when you bring up help-seeking, they are likely to refuse assistance simply because negative emotions often lead us to withdraw from conversations instead of approaching them.

Lead with love and compassion

Remember that you’re talking with your loved one because you care. Feel free to share your concern in terms of love and concern. This approach will likely decrease their defensiveness and increase their receptiveness to your offer of help. For example, you might say, “I really care about you, and I want to help you.”

Be an advocate for help-seeking and de-stigmatizing mental health

Talk about your own experience with therapy if you’ve had it, or suggest that seeking help can be a brave response to their problem. Many people avoid seeking help because they perceive it as weakness or inadequacy. Developing a culture of openness about help-seeking and de-stigmatizing mental health care can encourage your loved one to accept help.

Pro tips for common situations:

In addition to the general tips listed above, here are some good ‘pro tips’ in response to common help-seeking situations that you might encounter.

How do I help if my loved one is struggling but we’re not sure what’s going on?

Unless you’re a trained mental health clinician, you shouldn’t expect to know the diagnosis or symptoms that correspond to your loved one’s experience. In this case, they should seek out a mental health clinician for an evaluation. This can be framed as a one-time appointment to figure out what’s going on. This can often feel less intimidating than starting a full course of psychotherapy with a mental health provider.

My loved one has a known diagnosis, and symptoms are getting worse. How do I bring it up?

Consider approaching this situation with inquisitiveness instead of accusation. For example, saying, “Here’s what I’ve noticed…. Are you seeing the same thing? Can I assist you with finding help?” This will be much more effective than saying something like, “I think your symptoms are getting worse.”

What if the mental illness itself is getting in the way of help-seeking?

Certain mental health conditions (for example, schizophrenia) are often associated with delusions or other symptoms that might limit someone’s insight into their condition and, subsequently, their willingness to seek help. In this circumstance, it can be helpful to align with the individual’s goals and how the symptoms might impact them. For example, instead of saying, “I think you might be experiencing delusions,” you might say, “What are your goals right now? Let’s work together to figure out how to remove the barriers to your goals.” This can be followed by exploring if their symptoms are impeding their progress and whether seeking help might help them.

What if the person is threatening self-harm or harm to someone else?

If someone is at risk of harm to themselves or others, insist that the individual connect directly with a mental health provider. It’s not your job to determine if your loved one is serious about self-harm. Even if your loved one is adamant about not seeking help, you can contact local law enforcement and have them involuntarily evaluated for safety at a hospital. Though your loved one may be upset with you temporarily, if you approach this with love and compassion, you may just be saving their life - which is always worth the discomfort of the situation in the end.

Summary

There are a number of tips and tricks that can help you to navigate seeking care for a loved one. If the ideas listed here do not work for you, consider contacting a mental health clinician yourself to discuss them. It is a common practice for mental health providers to advise people on how to seek help. It may also be that persistence or more time will lead to success. Though you may initially encounter resistance, if you approach the topic with love and compassion, the person you care about will often appreciate your concern and will be more likely to seek assistance and get better.